Start by sautéing vegetables of choice in a wok or deep pot.
Add a high fat oil to help the vegetables tenderize and release their aroma. After fifteen minutes of frying add desired spices and cover.
In a separate pan boil three cups of water, a dash of salt and bring to a rolling boil. Once stable gently drop the human into the boiling water careful not to burn yourself. (If using human children, measure two children for every average sized adult.)
You may hear noises from the human in the form of crying or pleading for mercy but pay no mind, this is just air escaping from their shell.
After about forty-five seconds remove the human and peel the outer layer of skin revealing the tender meat. Some reports claim the human may still be squirming, even yelling. Relax. This is perfectly normal and just nerves slowly dying.
A sharp knife between the eyes splits the skull in two revealing the tender brain. Some cultures believe this to be an aphrodisiac. Brain can be cut into smaller pieces and stored for later in the fridge for up to three days or six months in the freezer.
(Chef tip!)
Did you know fresh brains are great for making Pâté or sauce? If stored for a later date, mix into your favorite broth for an added kick and 200 grams of extra protein.
With the tendons, bones and muscles now partially cooked, put them in the pot with sautéed vegetables and add the water from the pot you used to cook the human in. The fats from their skin and bones should have mixed with the water creating a golden brown broth.
As the pot boils, skim the top for fat as desired. Whatever fat you can’t remove can be easily removed once solidified in the fridge.
Bring the pot to a rolling boil for forty five minutes and reduce to a simmer for one hour.
(Chef Tip!) add a teaspoon of soy sauce for added umami.
“So, what’d you think?” The man asked while wiping his thick glasses into his finely pressed shirt.
“Mr. Do-Mahar”
“Dahmer” The man corrected him.
“Dahmer” My apologies. I hope you can understand but this isn’t really what we’re looking for.”
The man sighed. “I understand. Mr. Wilson.” The man removed his glasses and gently placed them in his front pocket behind the pocket protector that perfectly held a red and blue pen.
Looking back up he asked “Mr. Wilson? I know this might be a long shot but do you have a ginger ale or anything carbonated?”
Mr. Wilson picked up his phone and said “I can send Gennie to the third..” Before he could finish his sentence he noticed the phone cord swinging by his wrist.
“That’s okay, she’ll have enough to deal with, I can be a messy eater.”
Lorne Bronstein