“Hey Mark, take a seat.”
Mark sat down at the desk across from H.R.
With hands crossed she said “Mark, look, I’ll be frank. We’ve gotten some complaints about your derogatory comments.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“Mark, I’m going to have to ask you to watch your tone. May I remind you everything you say here is on the record.”
“Is this about Allen?”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“Come on!”
“Mark, it’s been brought to my attention you’ve used terminology that’s inappropriate.”
“Zombie? Are you kidding me? When I grew up we called them zombies all the time. There’s nothing wrong with..”
“Mark, we don’t use that term anymore.”
“Did you see what he was doing in the break room? He was eating Paul in accounting!”
“Mark, remember sensitivity training? We can’t comment on what other cultures eat.”
“He’s a zombie!!”
“Mark, I’m going to be honest. I’m very uncomfortable when you use that word. Can you please use more necro-friendly terminology like “undead” or “person experiencing undeath?””
“This is insane! He’s killed three employees since he’s been here!”
“He’s entitled to his culture Mark. We’ve been through this and I’m going to have to ask you to lower your tone.”
Mark hears a knock at the door.
“Please come in.” HR says in a soft tone.
A zombie walks in. As he opens the door his arm stays attached to the knob.
HR smiles “No problem. That’s covered under insurance. Please, take a seat.”
As the zombie tried to sit, his torso and everything else waist up fell to the floor. With one hand on the arm of the chair, he dragged himself to a sitting position and grunted.
Mark looked at him and said nothing.
“Do you have something to say Mark?”
“I’m sorry if I offended you. That was never my intention. I hope to to be a part of an inclusive workpla….“
The zombie leapt from his chair and began gnawing on HR’s neck.
Mark leapt out of his seat “OH FUCK WHAT DO I DO?!”
“NOTHING!!” HR said between blood curdling screams. “Don’t insult his culture!”
Hello friends, hope you enjoyed today’s story! Its a little humorous compared to most of them but I figured as we get closer to the end of 31 days of horror why not inject a little humor.
Just wanted to take a moment to once again thank you all for your continued support!
Lorne
Lorne Bronstein